Dear Guy that Left the Toilet on our Street:
I believe you left your toilet outside on our street. Feel free to stop by anytime and pick it up. Since it's a heavy, porcelain, filthy, broken toilet, we're confident that it'll be safe from thieves. Unfortunately, it was mistaken as a recycling receptacle and someone dropped a Negra Modelo six pack carton into the bowl. We trust that you'll dispose of the packaging properly, and will chalk up your misplaced toilet as a minor lapse in memory.
Regards,
Laura
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