Open Letter to An Asshole #2: Carrie Prejean

Dear Carrie,

Welcome to the ranks of the Shitcanned. I'm sure finding out about your termination in the press is probably a shred more embarrassing than being watched by everyone in your office as you make the death march to HR. I hope during your time off you can check in on my shitcanned-tivity tips. It might be difficult for you to find another job. Your poor verbal skills and inability to fulfill your job description is on public display. I don't blame you for having an opinion and answering the question truthfully. I don't agree with you, but I don't blame you. I blame the Miss USA for their ridiculously high standards of expecting you to express an intelligent and well-constructed opinion. We might have accepted your position on gay marriage as corn-fed naiveté if just spoke English. You also haven't gained enough life experience to know when to tell the truth and when to give the right answer. You were truthful about how you felt, but it wasn't the right answer. Unfortunately this inability makes you wildly unqualified for a large array of job positions from being President of the United States to temping. To add insult to injury, the gays hate you. You're going to have a difficult time filling the day with fun and relaxing activities while looking for another job. Who will style your hair, decorate your house, help you shop and not bat an eyelash while you use "c" word with reckless abandon when describing your "friends" while lunching on Pinot Grigio and ice? In spite of all this, you don't need our help or a resume. You're blonde, skinny, have a new rack, probably come from a rich family, and gained a loyal fan base of Jesus Freaks that will pay you a lot of money to show up at a Grand Opening of a Cache. Never look back and stay true to yourself. Even though you're a national joke, most of us would take your life over ours. Snugs, Laura P.S. But seriously, you might want to make an appearance on a Bravo show and do a little damage control.