I'm now considering that Master Cleanse thing after this week

This week's food intake: a million egg frittata at Bottega Louie, prosciutto pizza and calamari at Delancey, sliders and tempura at The 3rd Stop, too much sushi at Niko Niko, meatballs, garlic bread, canoli, cheap wine and iceberg lettuce at Palermo*, and drinks at Tiki-Ti that add up to a bottle of dark rum and a bag of sugar. Good times with good friends, but there's not enough Yakult in the world.

*If you want to watch someone actually hustle at his job in this slow, "whatevs" town, take a look at the hipster bus boy at Palermo in Los Feliz. It's so refreshing watch someone give a shit about something.

My new blog

Well, I started a new blog. Yes, I have that much time. I'd like to keep this blog about my personal adventures in LA. I figured there are plenty of actors and comics blogging about actor and comic stuff. I realized I really need a place to bitch about the "industry" and my "career" and other stuff that doesn't deserve official sounding vocabulary. I'd like to announce the launch www.AffirmationsForActors.blogspot.com. I think this blog will be a little easier to maintain. I don't have to wait to do something fun or weird, but can just record the thoughts I had while sitting in traffic. Enjoy!

I'm moving next to Oprah

Last weekend Alex and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary in Santa Barbara. My "sell out and cash it in" fantasy has always been a beach house in Malibu. I think I might be leaning towards Santa Barbara as the place to go when I'm a millionaire and don't care anymore. I can't quite put my finger on it, but everything is sort of perfect there. I think it's Oprah's magic. I'm having a problem uploading pictures. Here are Google images of San Ysidro Ranch. We went here for dinner on our anniversary night. Jackie and JFK honeymoon-ed at San Ysidro. We stayed at totally charming, but less "Jackie and JFK" hotel. There was a whirlpool tub, not in the bathroom but right in the room. If only the tub was heart-shaped, we could pretend we're in an 80's Poconos Mountains resort commercial.

Shitcanned-tivities Tip #4: Obsessively Update Your Address Book

My life will be perfect if it looked like this, right?

The past few weeks I had a few professional opportunities that went nowhere fast. To fill my time, I got a chest cold and a new BlackBerry. I've holed myself up this past week revisiting and updating contact info for every temp job boss, former co-workers, comics, actors, wedding vendors, high school and college friends, and creating some master database of everyone I've ever met that can be reached easily by phone and computer. Hyper busy work organizing is a fantastic way to make you feel like you're doing something productive while actually earning no money or professional credit. Other anal chore recommendations include cataloging old greeting cards, creating too many folders in your email, recording birthdays and anniversaries, throwing out old coupons, alphabetizing books, collecting every log in and passwords for every website you've ever visited that require a log in and password, and ignoring your blog because you think you haven't done anything interesting lately...obviously.

Blogging in the sky: Thoughts about the Showbiz Expo

So I'm on a Virgin flight to NY and I might as well take advantage of being trapped in a tube and having the future at my fingertips. I'm having a hard enough time blogging from my dining room table, so I should really use my time in the sky wisely. I can't wait to spend the remainder of the flight watching the Real Chance of Love 2: Back in the Saddle marathon on VH1. If you're home in the afternoon watching this crap, you're sad waste of carbon. If you're on a cross country flight, you're a jet setter enjoying the airline's amenities. This past weekend I found myself at the LA Convention Center for the Showbiz Expo. I guess "showbiz" also includes teeth whitening services and fancy Port-a-Potty vendors. Here's my top 5 favorite people I met at the Expo:

1. The assholes that displayed their resumes filled to the brim with regional theatre...and their personal addresses.
2. The lady that wore a sandwich board of a blowup of her sex advice book cover and the request to make her book the new Sex and the City.
3. The lady at Starbucks that didn't ring up my bottle of water. I can't really say that I didn't get anything out of the Expo.
4. The man/lady we couldn't figure out is a man or a lady. Cross a biker dude with "Working Girl" hair.
5. The lady that had a booth advertising her vision board business. Maybe she needs a vision board of better business ideas.

Questions for LA: Part 1

1. Why is not wearing a bra in public or at an audition an option? A droopy A cup is still a droopy boob, and the casting director and his camera can totally see some nip through that hippie Forever 21 shirt.
2. Why isn't there one normal nail salon anywhere on the east side of town with real pedicure chairs and tubs, manicure tables and separate dryer table? Why am I sitting in La-Z-Boy chair with my feet in a Sitz Bath while a portable dryer is resting on my lap? And why aren't you open on Mondays?
3. Why do Echo Park drivers wait for you to first make a left before they proceed straight or make a right turn? Are we just accepting and expecting we're all bad drivers that don't know the rules of the road? Or do some of us really not know the rules of the road...in America?
4. Why do I have to call you to follow up after I sent you an email weeks ago? You are a business and I'm trying to give you business, i.e. money. Check you fucking email and reply to your potential customers.
5. Where are the Breakstone's products? I miss Temp Tee cream cheese.

My Very Brief and Limited Guide to LA: Part 2

The front of Blair's Restaurant in Silver Lake.

Bottega Louie's in downtown. It's the only business that managed open in a giant, new building of condos. The Delancey on Sunset Blvd in Hollywood.

The Dresden...in 1994. Notice the lady's hat in the front and the dude rocking the white T-shirt and black vest look.

A street view of Little Tokyo. The Far Bar is in the back of Chop Suey Restaurant.

The Good Luck Bar in Los Feliz.Laurel Tavern in Studio City.

Lucky Baldwin's in Pasadena.

Malibu Wines...in Malibu.

Since I've written the first part of my Brief and Limited Guide to LA, I've discovered some new faves.

• Blair's: Holy braised short ribs and tea lights! Along with fatty, red meat and candlelight, it's small, dark and has some exposed brick, so it can be qualified as "very New York-y"

• Bottega Louie: Take the Dean and Deluca that Felicity worked at in Felicity, then add a bar, exposed kitchen and amazing meatballs and portobello mushroom fries.

• The Delancey: The owner named this bar and pizzeria after the street in New York. If it actually looked like Delancey Street or the actual pizza join on the corner of Delancey and Essex, you wouldn't go there to consume food or use the restroom. There's candlelight, leather and faux brick outside, so yes, the Delancey is "very New York-y."

• The Dresden: I've mentioned the Dresden before. Well, seven months of living here, I finally went. We rolled in right in time for last call. The waitress, who looked like she's had a few hard days under her belt, made sure to remind us as much as possible that it's last call, drink our drinks and get out. We caught the last few minutes of Marty and Elaine. They should really update that publicity photo.

• The Far Bar: Little Tokyo is a little sliver of downtown LA that your west side friends will never go. The Far Bar is a little sliver of a bar in a little sliver of an alleyway in Little Tokyo that serves Sapporo on tap and amazing wasabi fries. Our bartender looked like a gay, samurai ,boy scout...or is a gay, samurai, boy scout.

• Good Luck Bar: LA loves it Asian inspired bars. Everything is red and you feel like you're drinking inside a paper lantern.

• Laurel Tavern: I wrote about Laurel Tavern and one its douchey customers in August. I love it and every time I met someone new that lives around Studio City, my reply is "We need to go to Laurel Tavern!" I'll make it back at some point.

• Lucky Baldwins: Amongst the Pottery Barns, wine bars and early bird specials that make up Pasadena, there is a little British pub with a menu of fried foods, an overwhelming list of Belgian and UK beers, lots of soccer and beer signage, and around the clock NFL coverage.

• Malibu Wines: I wrote about our trip to Malibu Wines back in August. I'm waiting to get my white suit and Pucci head scarf cleaned, then I'll be back amongst the leisure class.