What I Learned 10 Years Out of College

Graduation Day at NYU, May 2001 with my now husband! If you couldn’t tell, this was before digital cameras.

This month marks my tenth year anniversary of graduating college.  I know, I know, I know, how dare I show signs of my real age while trying to carve out a showbiz career in LA! Fortunately everyone who works in show business is bad at math (I once got an F+ in math.  I was so bad at math; I got a grade that is mathematically impossible.  I guess the plus sign means even more failing.)  What was I saying?  Oh right, I’m 25 and happen to also have ten years of post-college wisdom to share.  Here’s what I did right or did wrong and learned from or well, still need to do:

1. Buy a bed.  The moment you trade in your rayon blend graduation gown is the moment you’re officially too old to sleep on wooden planked futon.

2. One well-made article of clothing, pair of shoes or accessory that you worked hard and saved up for beats 12 bags of garbage from Forever 21.

3. Start exercising.  Now.  The day after you graduate join a gym or the Y, buy a bike, pick up your knees and see what jogging feels like…anything! The ability (if you ever had it) to magically burn off beer, Hot Pockets, and meat you bought from a truck will vanish quickly. 

4. No matter how well you did in school and how happy you made your parents and teachers, and how hard you work at your job, you will get fired one day. And it’ll be the best thing that ever happened to you.

5. Take the opportunity to live with 12 roommates in a closet in before moving in with someone.  And don’t move in with that someone if he doesn’t know how to dress himself, do laundry, clean the bathroom, buy groceries, make a meal or pay his bills on time.

6. You’ll never have enough money to travel but do it anyway.  One day you’ll have a mortgage, kids, a broken dishwasher and two weeks out of the year to relax.  You’ll regret not taking advantage of those days when a backpack and a youth hostel were luxury.

7. Wear a bra every time you leave the house.  Fine, you have no boobs but you have nipples and we can see them.

8. Congratulations, you don’t have a class schedule or anyone to tell you what do anymore! That will be fun for one week.  You will then spend the rest of your life wondering if you’re making good use of your time until you drop dead face down in a copy of “The 4 Hour Work Week.” I don’t have any advice, it’s just a warning of what to expect next week.

9. No one will ever invite you into the life you want.  Don’t be afraid of putting in some elbow grease, or throwing those elbows around.

10. I didn’t get to truly do what I want until I was 30 and I’m still not making money at it. Again there’s no lesson here, just a warning of what to expect if you chose to never settle.

This post was originally published on Say Something Funny...B*tch!