Being a douche can be very dehydrating

I bought a bottle of water at the movie theater this weekend, and I was given a bottle of Ed Hardy Structured Water. What's "structured water?" Well, Ed Hardy designer, Christian Audigier put together the science community's best collection of Euro trash, thirteen year old girls, coked out Hollywood club promoters, and Jon Gosselin to make hydrogen and oxygen even more "science-y." Let's have the bottle label and www.edhardywater.com explain:

Water is the basis of all life. Approximately 75% of your body is made of water. Whether thirsty or not, you drink water so that the cells in your body can achieve hydration. The more effectively you hydrate our cells the healthier they will be and the longer they will live. As a result, effective hydration gives you increased energy and the ability to perform at more optimal levels while flushing out toxins more effectively. Ed Hardy structured water is natural alkalized calcium ionized living water and is treated with reverse osmosis for maximum purity as well as infra-red stimulation and electromagnetism to create the best (+) positively charged hexagonally shaped structured water ever. By using their proprietary technology they are able to break up the larger molecules into smaller hexagonally shaped and now STRUCTURED MOLECULES, which are much more easily absorbed by the cells inside our bodies. The absorption rate of hexagonally shaped structured water molecules is a much as four (4) times more efficient than water that is not structured, which enables you to drink less water while achieving hydration faster and more efficiently. Whether young or old, professional athlete or common everyday person, everybody can benefit from Ed hardy Structured Water, which was created with some of the most important ingredients of all: lots and lots of love, care and positive energy? For all who will discover that water is the basis of all life?

Now go hydrate and buy more $100 t-shirts.