LA Lesson #3: Passive Aggressiveness

In to order navigate the social world of LA you have to work on two different tracks. In person, you have to be friendly and warm and take an interest in the other person's life. You know, be a human. In your head you have to re-translate their questions to you and the answers they give to your questions and figure out what they really mean. And it doesn't end there. Don't be surprised if weeks later you'll discover their true feelings and opinions and it'll usually happen via technology: an e-mail or text. Sometimes it'll be an email to your "attempt at human contact" phone message. This social interaction is usually at its finest during a monetary transaction. I now present to you a short play that may or may not be based on a true story. The layout is awful because I still don't understand how to use Blogger.

• Scene 1
• Anonymous Subletter: Here are your keys. I'm so sorry I broke your window. Please keep the deposit until you know if you need to pay for the repair. Was everything else okay?(1)

• Anonymous Sublette: Yeah, everything was fine.(2)

• Scene 2
• Anonymous Subletter (leaving voicemail): Hi Anonymous Sublettee, its Anonymous Subletter. It's been six weeks and I haven't heard back about the window repair or deposit. I'd like the deposit back.(1)

• Email response (3) from Anonymous Sublettee to Anonymous Subletter's phone message:

  Hi Anonymous Subletter - I got your message. The window was repaired on Tuesday and the Property Manager didn't say anything about being charged.(4) So I'll return the deposit if you agree to pay if I'm charged when I move out. I'm withholding $25 because there wasn't toilet paper and the apartment hasn't been cleaned in six weeks.

• Scene 3:
• Ann. Subletter That is Now Outright Aggressive: What was dirty? (1)
• Ann. Sublette: Uh, everything.
• Ann. Subletter: I cleaned. There wasn't six weeks of crumbs and hair and toothpaste. I washed towels, sheets, counters, dishes, took out garbage and recycling - consistently.
• Ann. Sublettee: Uh, well you didn't leave toilet paper. (6)
• Ann.Subletter: Sorry. The third of a toilet paper, a few sheets of paper towels and 3 trash bags that were here when I moved in doesn't cost $25 to replace. Why didn't you tell me this when I asked if everything is okay six weeks ago? (1)
• Ann Subletee: Um, I had to think about it. (7) I'm not arguing with you about $25. You got a lot for your money. (8)

Footnotes

• (1)Direct request for clear information and honesty.
• (2)An answer on the surface that would appear to be true.
• (3)Example of choosing indirect form of communication to respond to direct request for clear information.
• (4)Example of not requesting information about future transaction in fear of answer and avoiding closure to the issue.
• (5) The real answer to "Was everything okay?" asked directly six weeks prior.
• (6) Attempt to take a small issue and make a blanket statement about overall condition to justify position.
• (7) LA!
• (8) Belittling other person for standing up for herself by being a martyr for undercharging rent. This masks regret for not asking for more money in the beginning and making up reasons to hang on to any part of the additional deposit.