Open Letter to An Asshole #4: The Laurel Tavern Asshole

Dear Asshole at Laurel Tavern: Perhaps you don't remember me. I'm sure your Vodka and Red Bulls got the best of you on Friday night. I'm the girl that walked by you on her way to the restroom and overheard your "Borat vs. Bruno" discussion with your friend. As I walked by you asked your friend, "What was funnier, Borat or Bruno?" In an attempt to be social and celebrate the communal spirit of Laurel Tavern, I answered "Bruno." I guess that was the wrong answer, because your reply to me was " I wasn't talking to you." Don't think I didn't notice the stink eye you gave me as I walked by you again from the restroom and politely said "Excuse me" in spite of your earlier rude behavior towards me. I'm sorry if you didn't think I was hot enough for you to just smile at my answer and move on. We all can't meet the high standards you have for your own appearance. I aspire to your pot belly, not funny Urban Outfitters t-shirt, and boy band blow back hair. If you need to spend your free time white knuckling a sense of superiority at every turn, it might easier to remain in your mother's basement in Reseda and jizz over some cradle-robbing porn. Warmest Regards, Laura

Dear Door Guy at Laurel Tavern: I really do like Laurel Tavern..a lot. It's great. I'm sure it's been overwhelming since your bar appeared in the Best New Bars feature in Los Angeles magazine. I find it a little weird to make people wait outside to get into a bar to drink beer and eat a burger. I respect crowd control and appreciated it once I got in and could get a seat at the bar, but I didn't love feeling like I was waiting to get into an awful club on the Strip beforehand. While you're making people wait outside, maybe you can be on douche look out. No one really needs the above guy anywhere near them. Thank you for your consideration. The chorizo fondue is crazy amazing, by the way! Warmest Regards, Laura