I've had a two week long day.

The last time I posted we were bloated on turkey, and now I'm trying to keep a dead tree in my living room alive long enough so my friends can drink around it. I don't know where I've been these past two weeks. In the car, I think. After ten months of living in LA, I'm now beginning to feel busy. Feeling busy is as fleeting as gestures are empty in this town, so tomorrow I could be back watching RoboCop 3 in the middle of the afternoon. I want to plow through this next month and get to 2010. Anyway. Just checking in.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving!! Here are some of my favorite awkward/funny/cute/a little creepy Thanksgiving family photos I Google-imaged.

I'm now considering that Master Cleanse thing after this week

This week's food intake: a million egg frittata at Bottega Louie, prosciutto pizza and calamari at Delancey, sliders and tempura at The 3rd Stop, too much sushi at Niko Niko, meatballs, garlic bread, canoli, cheap wine and iceberg lettuce at Palermo*, and drinks at Tiki-Ti that add up to a bottle of dark rum and a bag of sugar. Good times with good friends, but there's not enough Yakult in the world.

*If you want to watch someone actually hustle at his job in this slow, "whatevs" town, take a look at the hipster bus boy at Palermo in Los Feliz. It's so refreshing watch someone give a shit about something.

California Field Trips #3: More Santa Barbara

Last weekend Alex and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary in Santa Barbara. My "sell out and cash it in" fantasy has always been a beach house in Malibu. I think I might be leaning towards Santa Barbara as the place to go when I'm a millionaire and don't care anymore. I can't quite put my finger on it, but everything is sort of perfect there. I think it's Oprah's magic. I'm having a problem uploading pictures. Here are Google images of San Ysidro Ranch. We went here for dinner on our anniversary night. Jackie and JFK honeymoon-ed at San Ysidro. We stayed at totally charming, but less "Jackie and JFK" hotel. There was a whirlpool tub, not in the bathroom but right in the room. If only the tub was heart-shaped, we could pretend we're in an 80's Poconos Mountains resort commercial.

Shitcanned-tivities #4: Obsessively Update Your Address Book

My life will be perfect if it looked like this, right?

The past few weeks I had a few professional opportunities that went nowhere fast. To fill my time, I got a chest cold and a new BlackBerry. I've holed myself up this past week revisiting and updating contact info for every temp job boss, former co-workers, comics, actors, wedding vendors, high school and college friends, and creating some master database of everyone I've ever met that can be reached easily by phone and computer. Hyper busy work organizing is a fantastic way to make you feel like you're doing something productive while actually earning no money or professional credit. Other anal chore recommendations include cataloging old greeting cards, creating too many folders in your email, recording birthdays and anniversaries, throwing out old coupons, alphabetizing books, collecting every log in and passwords for every website you've ever visited that require a log in and password, and ignoring your blog because you think you haven't done anything interesting lately...obviously.

Top Faves at the Showbiz Expo

So I'm on a Virgin flight to NY and I might as well take advantage of being trapped in a tube and having the future at my fingertips. I'm having a hard enough time blogging from my dining room table, so I should really use my time in the sky wisely. I can't wait to spend the remainder of the flight watching the Real Chance of Love 2: Back in the Saddle marathon on VH1. If you're home in the afternoon watching this crap, you're sad waste of carbon. If you're on a cross country flight, you're a jet setter enjoying the airline's amenities. This past weekend I found myself at the LA Convention Center for the Showbiz Expo. I guess "showbiz" also includes teeth whitening services and fancy Port-a-Potty vendors. Here's my top 5 favorite people I met at the Expo:

1. The assholes that displayed their resumes filled to the brim with regional theatre...and their personal addresses.
2. The lady that wore a sandwich board of a blowup of her sex advice book cover and the request to make her book the new Sex and the City.
3. The lady at Starbucks that didn't ring up my bottle of water. I can't really say that I didn't get anything out of the Expo.
4. The man/lady we couldn't figure out is a man or a lady. Cross a biker dude with "Working Girl" hair.
5. The lady that had a booth advertising her vision board business. Maybe she needs a vision board of better business ideas.

Questions For LA #1

1. Why is not wearing a bra in public or at an audition an option? A droopy A cup is still a droopy boob, and the casting director and his camera can totally see some nip through that hippie Forever 21 shirt.
2. Why isn't there one normal nail salon anywhere on the east side of town with real pedicure chairs and tubs, manicure tables and separate dryer table? Why am I sitting in La-Z-Boy chair with my feet in a Sitz Bath while a portable dryer is resting on my lap? And why aren't you open on Mondays?
3. Why do Echo Park drivers wait for you to first make a left before they proceed straight or make a right turn? Are we just accepting and expecting we're all bad drivers that don't know the rules of the road? Or do some of us really not know the rules of the road...in America?
4. Why do I have to call you to follow up after I sent you an email weeks ago? You are a business and I'm trying to give you business, i.e. money. Check you fucking email and reply to your potential customers.
5. Where are the Breakstone's products? I miss Temp Tee cream cheese.